Cannot wait to meet the right love partner?

Dernière mise à jour : 16 févr.

It is not about action, it is about mindset!

The end of the year and the beginning of the new one is a period of reviewing and defining new goals. It is a period that might be difficult for those who are single. There might be feeling of loneliness, desire for sharing, desire for connection, emotional comfort, reconnection to own values.

At the beginning of the year, the online dating sites are crowded with new clients motivated to find the right love life partner. While there is nothing wrong with meeting new people online, finding the right match is not necessarily about the action, but about the mindset.

1. Feeling rather than thinking

Rule number one would be to focus on FEELING rather than THINKING. For some types of personalities and following our educational and cultural background, it might be easy. For others, it is difficult to get out of your head.

Usually, when I receive a client who is looking for a love relationship, this would be one of my first questions:

How do you want to feel in the relationship?

In the "old fashioned" way there would be a list of criteria involving an educational degree, income, social status, hobbies, physical appearance, age, geographical situation, willingness to commit, and start a family.

All these criteria are not a bad thing and might definitely play a role at some stages of a relationship, but it doesn't guarantee a loving relationship. What we strive for is the feeling of love, not to acquire and hold the "thing" that matches technically our criteria.

Lena (changed the name) came to see me. Very good looking, professionally successful young lady, with lots of interests; she has traveled, has friends, goes out, and eventually has dates that never transform into a real loving passionate long-term relationship.

When I asked her about the way she wants to feel in a loving relationship, the answer, as for many other people, would be something like:

- I want to feel complete;

- I want to feel secure;

- I want to feel joyful;

- I want to feel inspired;

- I want to feel attractive;

- I want to feel valued;

- I want to feel confident;

- I want to feel I matter;

- I want to feel good enough.

The feeling and the belief of "not feeling good enough" is the most recurrent limiting belief. This belief has an effect on the way we chose our love partner. Subconsciously, we look for a partner who will maintain this belief, first. And secondly, someone who is not good enough either but is matching our frequency.

To find the right match for you, you have to be complete already.

To find the right match for you, you have to feel secure already.

To find the right match for you, you have to feel good enough already.

To find the right match, you have to be already the person you are looking for.

Finding the right love partner is above all a journey to ourselves. Transforming our limiting beliefs into positive ones, finding what makes us feel secure, joyful, alive, connected, confident... Limiting beliefs have their roots in childhood most of the time, as well as our capacity to connect and to maintain our good feelings. This is something that is very personal and this is something I typically work on within my coaching sessions.

Coming back to the first sentence of this blog post, as an exercise and maybe the first initiative to be taken in order to change our mindset is to think about what makes me FEEL GOOD. Make a list of activities you enjoy, when you can really be yourself, when you are loving, funny, confident, radiating, proud of yourself, ... and what you can do to get to this frequency more often.

I feel good when

- I dance, I sing, I play a musical instrument

- I talk to my friends

- I share meals with other people

- I climb, run, swim

- I walk in the forest, at the sea

- I dive into my favourite topic of ...

There is nothing more attractive to a man than when you feel good about yourself and enjoy yourself.

As we have sometimes lost the ability it is good to remind us of this childhood feeling of enjoyment, spontaneity, excitement, pleasure.

How does it feel to find the right one?

How do I know I have got there? While knowing that we are already the person we are looking for, and it has taken us some time to get there. While we constantly enjoy ourselves on the journey of meeting the love partner. While we maintain other loving relationships with our friends, family, colleagues, neighbors,... When the right one comes it is evident.

It feels like HOMECOMING, it feels like EASINESS, it feels like KNOWING, it feels like FUN, it feels like SIMPLICITY.

Meeting the right love person is more about finding myself, than finding a man who fills the void.

2. Allowing rather than taking too much action

As much as we enjoy the feeling of love now, we allow ourselves to receive it. The second important rule is ALLOWING ourselves to receive love. It is to turn on our RECEIVING MODE. To believe we deserve it and we are worth it.

Today's society is performance and action-oriented so it requires a shift in the mindset to let things happen when it comes to love relationships. Especially when I meet professionally successful women it is hard to understand that sometimes RELAXING into the dating process, is more beneficial than running from one date to another, and an abundance of choice doesn't necessarily transform into this one loving passionate relationship we desire.

Desire and belief are two important points that will allow things to naturally unfold. In my experience, we receive, in the end, everything we desire. Sometimes, we don't desire enough.

One last topic that comes back within my coaching is a question of TIME. How long is it going to take? According to my experience, lots of people would just take anyone to be in a relationship. While the right person might be just behind the corner, we just haven't met yet. Abraham Hicks and I recommend some of her talks says:

"Longer it takes, the more fun I'll have. More opportunity to clarify."

When we focus on feeling good and let go of the absence of it, we don't need to have it right now.

“The longer you have to wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when it finally arrives." S. Gale

49 vues0 commentaire

Posts récents

Voir tout